Monday, June 22, 2009

Late to the Party

Today is my 29th birthday, and it seemed as good a time as any for me to start this blog. For as long as I've known about online journals, I've been pretty against them; I always thought they seemed so self-indulgent. Is there anyone out there who really wants to read about what's rattling around inside my head, what's collecting in piles, sticky with cookie crumbs and smudged fingerprints?
But I've recently begun working on a book project. Every time I acknowledge that in a public place it makes me breathing just a bit more shallow. I've begun working on a book project, and I wanted a sounding board, a place to iron out my thoughts and to throw them to the gallery just to hear how they vibrate in air outside my head. I also wanted a place to hopefully collect people who were interested: interested in reading my book, and interested in participating. I'll say more about what it is as it grows and I begin to know better what it is. For now, let's just say I'm looking for good conversations with old friends and new ones.
But today I am twenty-nine. It's not old, so I won't pretend it is. I've never looked my age before, so I'm not really flipping out about the height and perkiness of my breasts, or imagining that there are wrinkles were there once was onyx-smooth skin.
But there's a bit of an internal reckoning. I've been reading some about the Return of Saturn and thinking about it since I heard about it, not long into year 28. I'm not generally so much into astrology as a property of my life's movements or qualities. But the last several years have definitely felt like a kind of sorting out, learning, questioning and growing. I don't recall as much upheaval, learning to walk, speak, use a toilet or feed myself, but I'm sure it was just as tough.
My sweetheart gave me a great gift and let me talk into his video camera for a short bit, a homespun looking forward-looking back. It forced me to speak some things into being that I hadn't really claimed yet. So, in this, my last year before I turn 30 and begin a new phaze of life, I hope to:
  • gain the upper body strength required for and banish the fear inhibiting headstand and handstand poses
  • work in a purposeful and significant way on the aforementioned book project
  • become regularly and gainfully employed
  • continue in a meaningful way my ever-growing commitment to my sweetheart

There's also a list of things to do before I turn 30, that I've been working oh, so slowly on since 21. But later.

No comments: